No Boyfriend, No Problem (Love Languages)

That's the mindset I am trying to convince myself to behold. It is incredibly difficult, but I'm going through the persuasion process that God will send someone in His timing. Danggg..

OK so over the past year I've been learning quite a bit about the 5 Love Languages. They are Quality Time, Encouraging Words, Physical Touch, Acts of Service, and Receiving Gifts. About 2 months ago I read the book explaining and giving helpful hints about each.

Everyone has one main LL (Love Language), and most people have a secondary. For example, my mom likes for others to speak the "language" of Acts of Service. I, on the other hand, have found Physical Touch to be the one I appreciate most. Over the past few weeks I have discovered that it's FREAKING hard to be a single, Christian, teenage girl that comes from not a very touchy-feely family and have that be your dominant LL. I need someone to hold my hand when I'm at church, watching a movie, or just at home chilling. I need someone to hold me for hours when all I need is comfort, or someone to stroke my hair as I fall asleep. Those are things I desire desperately to have, but I can't.

Juli Jenkins. I've mentioned this wonderful woman in posts before, and here she comes again =) Her help for me in this area means more than she knows. I love it when during church, Bible Study, or just riding in the car I can reach my hand over to her lap, and she'll just hold it. That speaks so much love to me, ahh I can just sigh thinking about it. And I love just stroking her hair during Sunday service. I mean, if she did it to me, that'd be 10x better, but I don't need to be greedy. I admit, it probably looks odd to others around us seeing 2 women holding hands, but hey. It's what I need. She's a good enough friend to get past the "ridicule" and give me what I need, and I am greatly thankful.

So what's your love language? I suggest the book to anyone: teen, married, single, divorced. It's such a beautiful and eye-opening concept.

I'm Building a Playground!

I'm Building A Playground and I need your help!!

Update

1. I have no significant other.
2. It's summer time! ☼

Life has been so strange lately. A TON of Subway and babysitting ($$), boy confusion, friend confusion... it's all crazy. I seriously hope this week brightens up so I can have a great start to summer.
I want to hang out with my friends all the time. I want to make money. I want to continue to be in awe of God's glory. I want him. I want new music ideas. I want to complete the Love Dare for my mom. I want to be able to drive by myself. I want, I want, I want.
I need to see His beauty. I need healthy relationships. I need to care for His people with a strong desire. I need my family.

Craziness!

Glory to God Forever

As my family and I were walking through Cave Hill cemetery this past Memorial Day, I began humming a familiar tune:

"Take my life and let it be all for You and for Your glory. Take my life and let it be Yours."

[[only God]]

I came to a realization yesterday during worship at Collide... had a breakthrough moment about how God must feel when we choose others over Him.

We all have a little green monster inside of us. Jealousy comes out in so many ways, especially with friends or parents. If my best friend began having a relationship deeper with another friend, I would get jealous... I HAVE before. There's hardly anything worse than knowing someone you care so much for cares for another in the same way at a deeper level. Sinking stomach...

God feels the SAME way! Think about it..

God Always Provides...

I haven't mentioned it on here, but if I actually do have any readers, you probably know I'm going to the Dominican Republic at the end of July for a mission trip. I got an email today stating that 20 people have supported me thus far... and $1450 of the $1575 has already come in!! I need continued support, because if our group raises $5000 more than required, we get to do something special for the people down there!! God is so incredible, and I am so extremely happy to be taking part in this mission to spread His name :)

Life Nowadays..

Where do I even start?
I guess I just have to simply echo Matt Reagan's message from this past Sunday: "Storms gather, even when every day starts like any other... the problem is not the storms; they're always going to come. The problem is we treat Him as average... We serve and uncommon God."

This is so incredibly true, and I'm learning more and more about this each day. For the most part, life has been so incredible this past month. Even through the storms, you have GOT to learn to dance in the rain.

Who knows what is coming next?

So There's a Boy...

Yes. It's true. God has [[finally]] placed a guy alongside me :) His name is Zach.

OK I'm going to tell you the long story, because I'm in Yearbook (Facebook) class and have nothing to do...

It kind of all started last summer... I met Zach's mother in our summer Bible study on Heaven my sister and I attended. We didn't really talk, but were acquainted enough to become Facebook friends.

Fast forward 6 months to January. Easter Passion choir practices have just begun, and I log into Facebook. Juli's status reads something along the lines of "Juli might switch over from alto to soprano". That's exactly what I had been thinking of doing!! Fate? I think so...

Fast forward 2 months. It's now March, and Juli and I have become the best of friends LOL (who freakin' cares about the 19 1/2 year age difference.. i've always been like this!). Juli talks about her son, Zach, all the time... asking advice, telling stories, etc. I thought to myself (briefly) "Hmmm.. I could like this kid". The thought was erased from my mind as soon as I learned of the 16 month age difference... and he was the younger one.

Then I met Zach. Didn't really think anything of it. Then I saw him when he came to drop off his brothers Alex and Bobby at the Passion. I found out what seats he'd be sitting in, and decided to change my Triumphal Entry spot for the night so I would be so lucky to walk past this fellow... I'm clever, I know.

Then came Cici's. The whole cast and crew went to Cici's for a party after one of the Friday performances. Zach came along. I pulled my friend, Brooke, aside and asked her if she thought it would be weird if I began taking interest in a freshman. "No, that's not weird at all! He's cute, you should do it!", she replied. Hmmm. I could like this kid...

So I turn on my flirt. I see him, I talk... giggle... the whole bit. I've learned how to do this really well, if I say so myself...

Fast forward a week or so. It's time to leave for Panama City Beach, and guess who is going on the trip? Zachary Allen Jenkins. I see him with my BFF Juli and their family. I talk to Jules a little bit, but she soon disappears to do things. Zach stays behind. I flirt. Hmmm... I could really like this guy...

We depart from the church to head to Florida. Our bus stops, and I'm still a little drugged up. I planned on sleeping while everyone goes to McDonald's and Burger King, but soon find out we'll be there for over an hour. Time to flirt... I search for Zach (nonchalantly, of course), and find him with his friends in Burger King 10 minutes later. I pull up a chair and sit. I figure out that he's pretty funny. Hmmm... I could really like this dude...

Him, his friends, and I walk over to the gas station. He helps me minimize boxes at the gas station (we're BOTH nerdy). Butterflies have started. Hmmm... I think I really might like this guy...

OK so by now I can't stop thinking about him. AHHH. We get to the beach, and the next day we talk for about an hour and a half. Just talk. It's incredible :) The next day, it's raining. Darn. We talk again. For hours. Next day, we go on the beach and talk. Again. We start asking each other questions. He finally gets to the point. "Who do you like?" My heart leaped. I really like this guy...

We sit on the beach talking for a while longer about what we expected in a relationship and how we thought his mom would react (was scaring the crap out of me). I told him I wanted to go get advice from my Cgroup leader, Emily. He said he'd go chat with Chad and Matt, our youth leaders.

I go talk to Em, and she gave me GREAT advice on how she came home from Bible and Beach with a new boyfriend every year, and how I had to be careful. What I expected, and I'm glad she spoke the truth. Zach talked to Chad for a bit, and Chad gave some awesome advice and complimented me (I was happy). Then came the chat with Matt...

Zach went to Matt during dinner and asked about how he should pursue me. Matt asked him if he was grounded in a Cgroup. Zach wasn't. Matt asked him if he could wait 3 months to date me. Zach replied that he'd wait as long as he'd have to (AWWWW). Matt told him he should wait 3 months while he got into a Cgroup and made great guy friendships.

Zach and I started counting the days. 91. 90. 89. 88. 87. I soon found out I couldn't wait that long. I talked to Zach, and we figured that since Cgroups end in May for the summer, waiting the whole month of June before we dated would not be beneficial. We have come to the decision that the last week of May will be the best week to start a relationship. I cannot wait. AT ALL. :) :)

Zach is an incredible person with a heart for God I admire. He has a great relationship with his family. He's funny. He's cute. He's very easy to talk to. He makes butterflies start fluttering with just the sound of his voice. It's crazy, and I'm happy.

Easter Passion

Every year there is an Easter performance at my church. It's called the Easter Passion, and I'm in it!! It requires hours upon hours, though :( This is my schedule (and has been 5-6 days a week since Feb. 19/March 6)
6 AM - Wake up
8 AM - School starts
250 - School ends
345 - Mom picks up from bus
410 - Get home
430 - Leave for church
450 - Arrive at church
5 - Apply stage make-up
545 - Travel down to choir room/eat
630 - Worship/Notes before performance
730-930 - Easter Passion performance
930-10 - Meet/Mingle with guests
1010 - Leave
1030 - Get home
1040 - Shower/Clean tub
1145 - Bed

My days are completely full, but that's how I love it!! I enjoy spending 32 hours a week with the most of the coolest people I know. My closest friends there are Juli, Angela, Brooke, Natalie, and Abigail. I met Juli last summer in the Women's Bible Study on Heaven we were doing. We weren't very close until Passion choir practices began. Now we're inseperable!! She is a hoot =) She makes me laugh, and she shows Jesus to me every day. Now that we're tight, I couldn't imagine what this Passion experience would be without her there by my side every day, bringing me Moe's and birthday gifts. HA!

I'm going to head back to English class now... The school day is almost over, and then I'll be off to Passion!! I could spend all day every day there. God is just so evident, and it's incredible!

"He is the Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and the End. Let every tongue confess that Jesus Christ has risen from the dead!... He is the Holy One, Redeemer. We are saved, He's heard our prayers!!... Jesus is alive, He's done what He said He'd do. He is alive, the hope of His Word is true. The glory of the Father, Jesus Christ has conquered the grave. There is power in His name. Let all the world proclaim He is alive. Ohhh Oh. Jesus is alive!"

Out of the Valley.

Hallelujah!! God is so incredible. You're probably wondering where I'm coming from on this (although it shouldn't be so rare a cause for your wonder), so here is sort of where I've been for the past 4 months. I've been meaning to record it all as it goes, but time has not permit...

Back in April, after attending my church spring break trip (Bible and Beach) down in Panama City, one of my small group leaders and I got extremely close. She was a huge part of why I grew so close to Him and found out where I was meant in His plan. We decided to meet a few times a month to go through a devotional book. We went through with this plan, her pouring His insight into my life, and me continuing to grow.

That is, until September.

The last week of September, my leader threw upon me the fact that God was telling her it wasn't exactly right meeting with me. Apparently it wasn't fair to the other girls that I spent so much time with her. Also, we had begun to drift our focus away from the Word and onto her relationship with her boyfriend. It was hard to hear this from her, but I cried and went on. So I thought.

Life from there just kept going downhill.. spiritually, that is. I kept pleading with God, asking Him to reappear in my life. I felt like He wasn't walking alongside me like I'd always heard Him promise. I wanted to be passionate for Him. I mean, I'd always been a leader in the church, in my school, it just wasn't working for me. I would despise everything except for being with my friends, making money, and being lazy. Basketball? PSHhh. I would want to be ill so I wouldn't have to go. School? I hated it. I only have one or two good friends there, so there wasn't any joy in that area. Family? Completely driving me crazy.

I think I was going through a period of light depression. That is definitely hard to admit, but I will. I cried all the time, during practices, free time at home, and even math class. I didn't know how to get Him to become active again. I felt deceived.

After about 2 1/2 months of going through this stage, I felt as though He'd left me be to see how I could do without Him. To tell you the truth, I was totally fine with that! I thought to myself, "Danielle, if He won't become evident when you ask, go at it alone. It has to be better than what you're going through now". So there I went, independence galore!

It was fine at first, being on my own. I only read my Bible as a responsibility for basketball, thinking my coach might start asking questions on what we were to read. I didn't want to sit in a church service feeling like a hypocrite. The only reason I continued to act like a Christ-follower is because in the back of my head, I knew I would come back to my senses. I didn't want to do that with a plethera of mistakes following right behind me.

This stage was horrible. Even worse than the one before. I was so alone. I've never been one to pray very hard. I didn't want it. I didn't have time to talk about it with friends. I felt completely hopeless.

I began sharing this with a few people, mainly my youth pastor, Chad. He kept asking how I was doing and He would offer advice, though he admitted he didn't know what was going on.

Later in one of the high school services, they told us if we needed to talk to a leader, they would pray with us. I briskly walked over to Chad, and he began to pour out his heart in prayer for me. I just stood there, arms around him, crying. It's what I needed. Totally.

Then I began the road of reconstruction. I think I'm almost through, and boy am I happy He was so incredibly awesome in my life even when I fell away.