GSP

So today I found out I got accepted into the Governor's Scholar Program. Apparently it's a big deal, and I can now go to any state school for free! Too bad I'm not going to a state school...

ANYWAYS. I have total mixed feelings about it. When I first applied (in December), I was SO ready to leave behind school, family, and friends (or lack thereof) and begin a new season of life. I was tired of routine and heartbreak, and it was just time for me to get away. THEN, in January/February I got nominated, and I also got friends. WAHOO! God was doing incredible things in my life, and I started thinking, "Hey, maybe I don't want to be gone for 5 weeks of the summer."
After that I realized I
1. Couldn't go to the Dominican
2. Couldn't go to elementary camp
3. Would be very stressed with my sister's wedding the week after GSP ended.. and I have parties to throw!

So I TOTALLY did not want to get accepted.
A couple weeks ago at Bible and Beach I felt the Holy Spirit call me in SO many different directions. One of which was to consider going to a public university for college (which I have NEVER thought of doing!). The other was to reach out to people that aren't of the faith and become friends with them, showing the love of Christ through my actions.

Um. HEY. GSP focuses on BOTH of those areas! WOW. So now, with my new friends and restored relationships with old ones, I felt torn between my desires. Of course I want to spend the whole summer with my friends, having conversations with my mentors, and growing in the deep, deep love of Christ. But, alas, God has placed on my heart a yearning to reach to the unsaved. Either way, whether I got accepted or not, I'd be fulfilled and happy.

So, today the news came. I will be spending 5 weeks on Bellarmine University's campus, with no physical contact with any family or friends. It will be tough, and I sure will GREATLY miss conversations that would have happened with friends and mentors, but God will certainly show up this summer, and it's just time for me to place it all in His hands.

"Cast all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7

Spring Break

I'm about to completely crash from exhaustion, but first I must write down a few thoughts from this week..
I don't care about dances, or movies, or grades at the moment. Right now I just want to make His love known to everyone I come in contact with. Ever.
I'm changing, completely. Motives, thoughts of college, and the way I talk to people are things consuming my head, and it will probably be hard for me to go to sleep with all these thoughts buzzing around.
Friends. They're everything.
I don't want this feeling to go away for anything. It needs to stay.
Satan is currently trying to deceive me into thinking this week was a waste or a "high".
Bible and beach is so much more fun when there is absolutely no boy to think about.
I hate sand.
I've been in the same clothes for almost 24 hours.
Right now I just want to be with my CGroup and talk life. I could do it for an entire day straight and not even get bored. I've learned stories that I haven't fathomed in the past 3 years.
I don't want to graduate and move away.
I need to pour into the lives of those younger than me. Specifically. One on one.
My God is good! So good!