European Nostalgia

Most of my posts tend to stem from the thoughts that flow through my head as I lay down to fall asleep. Now it's 12:54 A.M., and all I can focus on is Europe.

It may or may not have to do with the 80+ photos of my summer adventures there that currently hang from sticky-tack on my wall less than 10 inches from my pillow.

But the truth is I think about Europe often. Almost daily, actually. It's difficult to differentiate the origin of my desires to return there. In some aspects it's truly the location. The beauty and wonder I experienced each day as I walked the streets of Spain, France, Germany, Austria, Switzerland, and Italy are some things I will never forget. Directly to my right at this moment is a picture of Darcie and me standing on the edge of the Adriatic Sea right outside Venice. A couple photos to the left is one of David, Mandy, and me on the edge of Lake Thun in front of the Swiss Alps. A few spaces away from that picture is my view from the Piazzale Michelangelo as the sun set. I miss the landscapes and the geographical location itself.

Maybe another reason my heart yearns to return is because I miss the relationships from there. Whether it's the roommate situation of Abby, Darcie, Kayla, and me or the Elite Eight or my connection with Mandy or the experience of the group as a whole, I don't know. But right next to me is the entire group picture from outside the restaurant our last night in Rome. To its right is a photo of a few of us exploring the gardens of Versailles. Not far is one of my favorite captured memories of seven of us girls throwing our coins into the Trevi Fountain. Yes, almost all the people from the trip are still at Milligan, but it's just different. No longer are we forced to spend our time together. No longer are we limited to just 39 other friends to spread our time between. Our relationships seem to be moving apart just like the days on the calendar from when we landed back in the States. 

Or maybe what I'm missing is the constant adventure. I can see the picture of me in the middle of a grove of giant trees I stumbled upon in Madrid as I was searching for an amusement park. I see the photo of me getting kissed on the cheek by Romeo, my handsome Italian man. Looking up I notice the picture of a group of us on a boat meandering our way down the Rhine River observing more than the dozen castles we passed. Each day was different. Each day was a step into the magical unknown. 

I'm assuming it's a mixture of each of those things that makes me want to return to the continent that has made its way into my heart. But whatever it is, it's a hard feeling to ignore. There are times when I'm tempted to spontaneously buy a ticket and spend a few days there. Some days all I want to do is go back. 

But sometimes I don't. Because I'm afraid my guess that it won't be the same will be confirmed. I'm afraid that in a different context with different people in a different situation will cause the European magic to disappear. And that, my friends, would be a great tragedy.

Oh, College, How I Love Thee

As I stood backstage next to one of my dearest friends a few Friday nights ago during our school's annual lip-synching competition ("Airband"), I couldn't help but smile. And I mean REALLY smile. I couldn't remember the last time I had been so genuinely and overwhelmingly happy I couldn't suppress it. There I was, dressed in Christmas wear about to perform "Jingle Bell Rock - Mean Girls Edition" (a two year dream of mine), alongside one of my favorite people in front of hundreds of pumped up peers and friends. Maybe it was due to adrenaline, maybe it was because of my nerves, but I was shaking and grinning and energized for four straight hours that evening. 



After we performed and brought laughter, music, and dance to the stage of the Gregory Center, Meaghan, Harper (my roomie!), and I decided to go grab milkshakes at Cookout - the local late-night food hangout spot. We returned to Milligan where I went to watch a movie with Hannah and her roommates. I returned to my room around 1 AM full of joy. 

As I laid in my bed I began to think... I love college. I don't ever want to leave. Yeah, I left my internship at Mountain wanting to graduate early so I could grow up and go into full time ministry and do what God created me for. But now that I've been back for a while, that's the last thing I want to do (not the ministry thing, but the growing up thing). In college I have immediate access to 50 friends at any given moment. In college there are activities available every single night - lip synching competitions, movie nights, worship sessions, festivals, sand volleyball matches, soccer games, fundraisers, cookouts, plus more. All I have to worry about is getting my homework finished. I get to begin my days with endless amounts of learning ahead. I can take spontaneous roadtrips. I can plan WHATEVER I want for my breaks. I can sleep in til 10 AM and take afternoon naps. If I'm feeling sad I can walk across the parking lot and have a number of friends comfort me. I have unlimited access to many professors who are rooting for me and challenging me. I have millions of books and journal articles and educational materials at my fingertips in our library database. I have someone who cooks all three meals for me every day. Every day is an adventure, because I never know what will happen. 

There I was, 1:30 AM thinking about the beautiful stage of life I am in, when I realized that it's not going to last much longer. I have 3 semesters left before I have to grow up, get a 9 to 5 job, manage responsibilities, be boring. Well, I don't have to be boring, but that's how it works in my mind. THEN I realized that one of my closest friends here, Meaghan, is graduating in May, and I'll have to spend my senior year at Milligan without her. We've been close since week 4 of freshman year, and thinking about being here without her by my side makes me sad. Really sad. I'm trying to think of more intelligent sounding adjectives than that, but in reality, I'm just going to be sad. Yes, I have many incredible friends who aren't graduating, and I'm looking forward to spending countless days living life with them. But it's just going to be different. With Meaghan I can be 100% honest, 100% weird, 100% myself, 100% of the time. I can tell her what I'm thinking, and even if she judges me, she loves me anyway. She knows where I fall short, and she knows where I excel. She knows what upsets me and what makes me passionate. She knows my lazy tendencies and celebrates with me when I work hard and succeed. She goes out with me in the cold at 11 at night when I put off taking pictures so that I stay safe. College without her will just be different.

Cue Danielle crying herself to sleep.

But that's 6 months from now. So in the meantime I will focus on the adventures of each day. Meaghan, here's to many more dinner dates, a Harry Potter marathon, a few roadtrips, a couple more late night photo adventures, some WalMart runs, a dozen New Girl episodes, a few nights of contra dancing, some snuggle sessions, and limitless hugs. 

I may only have 3 semesters left, but I'm going to make them count. Sure, I'll spend some hours studying, but I will focus mainly on the relationships I have here. Yes, the more I invest in the people here the more tears I'll have at graduations, but the more I invest in the people here also means the more joy I'll have on the days until graduation and the years after. 

Weekend of Waffles

Guys, I am just so encouraged right now. I am currently on my way back from a 4-day Fall Break spent in Maryland, and I’m overflowing with joy, passion, love, and encouragement. I’m not even sure if I can put it all into words… but what God does sometimes is WAY too big to put into words, isn’t it?

I’ll start with explaining the title of this post – Weekend of Waffles. This weekend I spent the night at three different family’s houses, and I wasn’t treated like much of a guest. There was hair in the shower drain, a stinkbug under my pillow, no breakfast waiting for me when I woke up, and when dinnertime came one night the family I was staying with said something along the lines of, “If you want to eat, go find something in the kitchen.” I ended up with a dinner consisting of 3 freezer-burnt microwavable chocolate chip waffles.

And I love all those things.

I wasn’t a guest in any of the homes I stayed at. Yes, they went out of their way to give me clean sheets and drive me places I needed to get to (and for those things I give my utmost gratitude), but when it came time to take a shower they said, “You know where the towels are… just grab whatever.” You don’t tell guests to find their own shower supplies or to grab their own water when they’re thirsty. Those are things you tell friends that have become an extension of family. With family you sleep in, run errands, watch murder shows, go on walks, sit down and don't have to talk, paint nails, make fun of, sing songs, eat meals, go to church, and much more that this weekend held. So to the Appels, Dudecks, and McDades, I thank you for allowing me into your homes and into your families. That's the biggest compliment and gift I could ever think to desire of you.

Another thing that hyped me up this weekend was Saturday night at the Cachiaras’ house. In 9 days, my friend, Kylie, is moving to Kenya for at least a year, and Ben, Karla, Kelly, and Rob invited some people who had influenced her life to come over to celebrate her and her upcoming African mission. The McDades were invited, so I tagged along to say my goodbye to Kylie and get some good snacks.

Pretty soon as we all ate and chatted, we gathered around and listened to Kylie share her current emotions about the move as well as her story of how she had gotten to that point. Following her testimony, Kelly and Rob shared their own stories as well as their emotions. The floor was opened after that to whoever wanted to reminisce on their experiences with Kylie or give encouragement to her. We finished with worshipping to Matt Redman’s “Never Once” and praying over Kylie’s new adventure.

Throughout the evening I did a lot of thinking, and seeing those who have influenced her so passionate and encouraged for her journey and seeing her excitement and relentless love for those she is preparing to interact with and serve encouraged me in my own walk. I’ve been focusing recently on the strength of my pursuit of Christ, and these days it hasn’t been very strong. I’ve realized it is because I’m so focused on what others around me want for me, what they want from me, and what I can do to make myself feel better… happier.

It dawned on me the other day like it has dawned on me many times before – if I pursue Christ and His desire for my life, THAT’S when I feel better… happier. That’s when I feel like I’m accomplishing something and when I feel passionate about life. Maybe because I’m doing what I have always been meant to do. Duh, Danielle.

So here’s to focusing every day – every decision, every moment, every interaction – on a much, MUCH bigger purpose than little ole, sinful, human me.

The World

I've been thinking about this the past few weeks...

Living in this world is hard.

Most days I realize how great I have it, but that doesn't mean that I don't realize how ugly life on Earth truly is. All around me people are lonely. Broken. Hurting. Hungry. Lost. Unloved. Searching. Exhausted. Stressed. Poor. Distraught. Annoyed. Longing. Insecure.

Divorce is always happening. People are always getting killed. Students are failing tests they've studied weeks for. Boyfriends and girlfriends are having fights. People are being talked about behind their backs. Others can't stand to look at themselves in the mirror, because they hate the person they've become, whether on the inside or outside. Friendships are ending. Debts need to be paid. Jobs are lost. Pets are sick. Family members are sick.

All these things people have running through their heads throughout the day, and hardly anyone knows about it. It's just a reality of this world. I've decided that it's my duty as a human and especially as a Christian to make each encounter with people one that makes their days a little better - a little brighter. If my smiles or hugs or encouraging words can erase the "badness" of someone's world for 1/3 of a second, it's worth it.

Let's make these years on Earth as good as a sinful world can be... especially for OTHERS. We get through this, and eternity is next. Praise God. :)

Humanities - Junior Year and Post Tour

When I decided to fulfill my internship requirements at Mountain last fall I knew it would mean I would have to put off my third semester of my humanities requirement until my junior year. I knew when that semester came I would HATE it, considering the humanities classes are some of the most rigorous classes Milligan has. Class four days a week, countless pages of reading, and a dozen hours of studying for each exam just doesn't sound like much fun. And it's not. Especially considering how I'm not a big fan of history, and I'm certainly not a fan of art. Add all this to the fact that everyone I'm taking the class with is a year younger than me, I wasn't super stoked whatsoever for this class. I might have complained about it to everyone I came in contact with the first week back on campus. Maybe. 

I mean, I'd spent the first month of this summer touring Europe. I'd experienced the stuff I was learning about. I'd been there. I'd breathed in the Parisian air. I'd walked the streets of Rome. I'd explored the museums of Germany and France. I'd watched an opera outside the Vienna opera house. Why did I have to go back and read about it all in a book? DUMB.

But I needed to graduate, so I needed to take this last humanities class. So I am. And you know what? I'm so glad my academic circumstances of the past year have forced me to take this semester of humanities at this time.

Before the tour I didn't really care much about history. Or art. AT ALL. It had always been my least favorite subject in school, but I was encouraged to go on the tour for "the experience"... to travel the world for a pretty cheap price. So, I did. Even while I was there, I didn't care much about the academic side of things. I thought the art was endlessly repetitive. A lot of the history sounded the same to me. Kings. Wars. Murders. Religious intolerance. Yada yada yada.

But now I've seen it. Now I've first-hand seen the art of Raphael, the Arches of Rome, the palaces of Louis XV and the Hapsburg monarchs, the column inspired by Trajan, and now it actually interests me! I have a story for almost every place that comes up on the PowerPoint during humanities lecture, and that challenges and inspires me to pay attention. Because even though I may not have known much about it while I was walking the streets of Western Europe, I learned some then and I'm wanting to learn more now. 

As I was sitting in class today reminiscing (rather annoyingly, I presume) to those around me my experiences with each of the monuments and art pieces on the screen, I thought to myself, "When would the ideal time to take students on the humanities tour be? After they've completed the program? Before they begin the program? How about after their first year of humanities courses?" After a while of debating my own mind, I still couldn't decide. What I was certain of, however, was how grateful I am for many of the seemingly inconveniences life throws my way. Thanks, God.

Where My Heart Yearns to Be

Heaven. It's on my mind a lot these days.

If I had a theme for this summer thus far, it'd be "love". Like I wrote a little about in my last post, I have experienced love the past 8 weeks deeper than I've ever known it. Never have I been so confident in the unconditional, unending love the people I'm closest to have for me.

And that, my friends, focuses my mind on Heaven.

Many times when I dwell on the greatness of Heaven and how excited I am for my future there it's when I'm having a rough time here on Earth or when I get a glimpse of how wretched this place I currently call my home really is. However, in the midst of the endless love I've been shown over this summer, I focus on Heaven even more.

Because, friends, the sweet, nurturing, encouraging, relentless, incredible, beautiful love I've gotten to experience this summer is absolutely nothing to the love my Jesus has for me. Now THAT is love in its most extreme, most pure and true form.

So while some of my favorite people are spread from Johnson City to Baltimore, from Louisville to Saint Louis, from La Mirada to Lexington, I can say that absence truly does make the heart grow fonder - but that fondness of heart doesn't stop growing just on Earth.

Jesus, my heart yearns after you more and more day by day. I can't wait to be with you.



Have a listen:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7EBSvFlBoIs

Final Thoughts on Europe

So for our final journal entry we were supposed to write our final thoughts on Europe. Since I began doing video journals pretty early on in the trip, I figured the last journal entry wouldn't be any different. I thought about doing it on the plane home, but I knew it'd be a pretty personal journal and didn't want to film it in public. I thought about doing it when I woke up in my own bed the day after returning, but I looked dreadful. I thought about doing it the following day, but between unpacking, laundry, and being with my family, I didn't get around to it. I attempted to film it this morning, but every time I pressed "record" tears would begin streaming down my face, and I wasn't about to post that to YouTube. So here I am, blogging my final response to the incredible 27 days I spent traveling Europe with 40 of the most fantastic people I could ever imagine traveling with while listening to "Cruise" on repeat. Yeah, I'm a mess.

I thought I was ready to be home. I was ready for clean underwear and sleeping in and relaxing and ice and normal food and toilets that flush everything the first time around and LOTION and my Tempurpedic pillow and the Bachelorette and a good pedicure and the people I have missed since Christmas break and time to worship with my Southeast family and the ability to drive places instead of walking for hours. But the truth is, I'm never ready for change. I embrace change, but it takes me a second. I've been in change overload the past few days... change of continents, change of people, change of culture, change of food, change of language.

Europe was a beyond incredible experience. I saw places I'd only ever read about such as the Colosseum, Trajan's Column, Eiffel Tower, Louvre, Swiss Alps, gazebo from the Sound of Music (oh, wait...), Rhine River, and so many more. I saw art I'd only ever studied in humanities like "Guernica", "Mona Lisa", "Winged Victory", and "Laocoon Group". I ate foods I'd only ever heard of like crepes, Schnitzel, pesto, gelato, and cannolis. I witnessed smart cars parked sideways, being offered alcohol at every meal, men crowding to sell umbrellas, squeaky pigs, sunglasses, and knock-off purses at every turn, pickpockets, strange clothing styles, and body odor. I was told "NO PHOTO" half a dozen times, was asked to cover myself as I walked into a cathedral in shorts and a tank top, snuck into a couple of bathrooms I was supposed to pay for, was laughed at by an entire bus full of Austrians for my mispronunciation of the town I wanted to get to, and plugged more than one toilet due to their lack of successful flushing system. I unsuccessfully used lotion for 23 days until I was told by our tour guide I had been using body wash the entire time, laid on top of the sheets in Rome all night due to faulty AC, did a load of laundry in the tub, and wore a pair of socks 6 times. I ate pesto and gelato every chance I could in Italy, looked at thousands upon thousands of paintings, rode a train all night only to wake up in Paris, and walked dozens of miles in the rain. Oh, and I fell in love at first sight about 7 times.

But in addition to the art and the museums and the palaces and the food and the castles and the hotels and the countless hours on the bus, my European trip had the opportunity to be dreadful. Ya see, I was lonely as all get out at the beginning. I didn't feel like I fit in anywhere, and I was so tired from the past 8 months of making friends that I didn't want to put forth the effort. I had determined in Spain that the remaining 23 days would be spent awkwardly inserting myself into conversations and excursions with anyone who would take me in. I was going to see the sights, look at some art, and eat some food in a bunch of different countries others would KILL to visit, but I wasn't going to have the trip of a lifetime with my besties. I would figure out the places I wanted to come back to and return later in life to enjoy them with a group of friends or some husband I might have. Class credit, pretty pictures, and savvy souvenirs was all this chick would bring home from it. You get the picture.

But 30 days after I headed out on the "trip of a lifetime" feeling awkward and unmotivated, I write this feeling more a part of something than anything I have ever experienced. As I sat in my hotel room in Rome with Kayla, Darcie, Abby, Jasmine, Sarah, Katryn, and Tyler, I never felt more accepted than I did in that moment. I've spent my life on the edge. Except for my awkward middle school years, I have always had friends. I've always been someone who could hug and talk to a dozen different people at a time in any of my normal environments. But when it came down to the "group" I belonged to, I was included, but the person who sometimes accidentally got left out of the group text or Facebook invite. And really, I was fine with that. One good friend is all you need, and I was never short of that one friend.

But in Europe, I was a part of a group. Clique? Maybe. I've grown to learn that cliques aren't bad unless they purposefully exclude. I mean, people always have a group they fit in with best. But anyway, the eight of us grew close, and if someone was missing or doing another activity, the group felt the weight of their lack of presence. Sounds pretty intense, doesn't it? Well, I'm pretty sure that's the way a body works. No, I'm not going to get all spiritual, but in our "elite eight" community, we worked as a body. When Katryn and Jasmine were doing the food tour in Italy, we couldn't wait for them to be finished. When I did the Sound of Music Hop On Hop Off Tour and spent the day apart from Darcie, she almost plowed me over with her hug when she got back to the hotel. When Tyler was eating dinner with his other friends in Rome, we tried to hurry the check to the table so he could come back to us. When we accidentally left Jasmine in a store near the Pantheon, some of the girls were almost in tears. And when we tried to sit together on the plane home, I was somebody people wanted to sit near while we switched around.

I'm not attempting to throw a pity party here... I'm just so full of joy and oh so grateful!! I'm also not saying I'm Miss Popular by any stretch of the imagination. I just had the strongest feeling of being wanted I've ever experienced. People chose to be near me, talk to me, and include me. On the days leading up to the night train to Paris my prayer was, "God, I want someone to choose me. I'm tired of all the effort I've put into relationships. They have been GREAT, but send someone to want to love and hug me." Within HOURS, that prayer began being answered in the most crystal clear, holy-goodness-are-you-stinkin-kidding-me kinda way. Praise be to Him. Praise be to God Almighty.

Hang Gliding over the Alps? Check. Watching the Eiffel Tower sparkle as the clock stroke 9? Check. Get within 10 feet of the Mona Lisa? Check. Drink foreign Starbucks? Check. Ride a roller coaster in Vienna? Check. Watch an opera and a ballet? Check. Gain 5 pounds? Check. Feel deeply loved and accepted? Check and check.

BAM. Humanities Tour down.

Things Learned this Semester Outside the Classroom

So, the spring semester of my sophomore year at Milli is finishing, so I thought I'd compile a list of things I've learned over the past 4 months.

- Hummus is expensive
- Hanny Mays is one of the funniest people I know... and does a mean Wobble
- I'm not the best actress
- It's [almost] death to have somewhere to be at 8 AM every day
- Relationships are more important than being on the Dean's List
- Cherry Limeaids from Sonic between the hours of 2 and 4 are the best
- Megan Foote counts the letters in my sentences
- I'm liking running even more
- I probably would not like myself if I was a professor... depending on the class
- Sleep is a beautiful treasure
- Every word that comes out of Meghan Wymer's mouth is worth paying attention to
- Cleaning Seeger in the morning is an incredible honor
- Pants are dumb (but I already knew that)
- Don't take 8 classes and have 2 work studies in one semester
- Meaghan Roland is the best classmate to have... and one of the most incredible friends
- ChickfilA coupons are little reminders that God loves me
- You should decorate your living space, even if you're only going to live there 4 months
- When you get a glimpse of Hannah Appel's heart, it's one of the most beautiful things you'll ever see
- This year's freshman class is fantastic
- I'm allowed to stick up for myself
- It is OK to have fun
- Never take for granted a warm, sunny day
- Sarah Bertelsen can make you feel loved and accepted just by smiling at you
- I'm a little messy
- Not everyone has unlimited texting
- Don't wait until midnight to take pictures due the next day
- No one ever goes to speech lab
- I am great at figuring out ways to make money
- I am blessed with great friends... the best, actually
- I don't function much after 1 AM
- Mrs. Anthony can make me feel really guilty
- God's love for His people is incredibly deeper than I could ever imagine
- Lindsey Meding is the person I can count on to be there 100% of the times I need her to be
- Mi casa es su casa
- Traveling Europe for a month is expensive
- Dr. Magness knows everything
- Eat Oreos in moderation
- One Tree Hill will never die
- I love working in the darkroom alone
- You can get cash back from the lady at the post office if you buy a 1 cent stamp
- Anna Dukart is incredibly gifted in so many areas
- Eating 10 M&Ms is apparently way too many
- Consistency in spiritual disciplines is needed, even when you don't feel like it
- Nursing students are hardcore impressive
- I will probably never join a campus organization
- Art shows have the best snacks
- A 15 minute car ride anywhere with Hannah is a thing to never say no to
- Brad Wallace can't remember a meeting for the life of him
- I can fall asleep with the light on
- Sometimes it's OK to show people you're sad
- Mandy Nydegger is the epitome of greatness
- I have three homes
- One notebook is all you need
- Zumba is the most fun workout in existence
- It's kinda intimidating, but oh so necessary, just to start talking about God in regular conversation
- I need to intentionally spend time with older adults while I'm here
- Molly Kate has some mean dance moves
- Don't take for granted Quesadilla Day, Greek Bar Day, or Fiesta Friday
- Dressing cute always makes a day at least a little better
- A cup of tea in Europe will be better than a cup of tea in Johnson City
- The world really is my oyster
- Meaghan Roland just gets me
- I will never regret a road trip with great friends to great places
- I like having long hair
- I'm kinda a North Face snob
- I don't get mad often. Like at all. I need to work on that
- Syd is the person to run with
- People here don't care about the Kentucky Derby
- How to properly cut a grapefruit
- I love the moment in a friendship when you can begin to be truly honest with the other person
- There's always time for a study break
- If you want to get anything accomplished in the library, go to the quiet section
- Snapchat is one of the best forms of entertainment
- Always have a sweet snack and a salty snack available in your room
- All I really want to do in life is love people... deeply and truly love them

Back at Milli

This post was inspired by fellow previous intern, Elizabeth Gentry.

For the past four weeks, friends have continued to ask me how I'm adjusting to being back at Milligan. I thought for my own sake, I'd record my thoughts concerning this matter.

I love being back at Milligan. I truly, truly, TRULY do. I love being back with my friends. I love attending all the random events like basketball games and res life funsies and college night at ChickfilA. I love being down the hall or across the parking lot from some of the best friends I could ask for. I love that I have access to Barberitos whenever I feel it. I love learning. I love being back with some of my favorite professors. I love getting to know the people I didn't before I went to Maryland. I love my two new work study jobs on campus. I love looking like a fool while doing Zumba every Tuesday and Thursday night. I love walking into the caf at 5:05 and being able to sit at any given table full of funny, lovely people. I love being back in the darkroom. I love contra dancing. I love that I love having time to myself. I love being back at Vespers. I love Sunday nights in the Word and prayer with friends. I am so grateful and happy to be back here!

Like Elizabeth said, Mountain kind of feels like a dream. It was undoubtedly the best experience of my life, but for some reason I don't think about it very often. I think about the people quite a bit, but in a "Oh my gosh, I love those people. They're awesome. I wish I could give them a hug right now." kind of way. I truly believe my contentment with being back at Milligan doing communal ministry here is a gift from God. I don't want to be moping around wishing I was doing ministry back in Maryland. I don't want to love being here but have another part of me secretly aching with nostalgia. I'm happy here.

The crap ton of homework part is driving me up the wall, but that's for another day.

Happy Friday!