Lately..

OK, don't shoot me (all 2 of you that read this); I know it's been a while and SO much has happened, as it has been doing the past 3 years of my life. I've recently realized that life changes far more often than it did earlier on in life. New jobs, new friends, new relationships, new faith.

I haven't talked about it on here yet, but since I returned from Bible and Beach, I've started a new challenge. The speaker there challenged all the girls to spend as much time in the Word, "training" in our walk as we do in front of the mirror "training" our looks for the day. It was just the encouragement I needed to get into the Word more often, for I'd been lacking the discipline.

So, here I am, 1 1/2 months into the task, and I'm still going strong (by the grace of God). I decided to go through the New Testament chronologically, so I've thoroughly read, taken notes on, and asked questions about I and II Thessalonians, Galatians, and I'm about to finish up Romans. It's taken me a month just to get through that last one... so many questions! so much unknown! It's amazing to see how I thought I "knew" the Bible, until I began actually paying attention to what each verse said. God is doing a great thing through this.

School is almost out. I am 3 days and 3 finals away from becoming a senior! That's such a scary thought! I remember like it was a year ago, walking into high school for the first time. Now I'm about to walk out of it. Have I left the mark I wanted to? Done what God's asked of me? I have one more year. There's no turning back.

AND, of course I must say, I now have a wonderful boyfriend. Haven't had a real-go-on-dates kind of boyfriend EVER, and no "boyfriend" since March 2008. Out of all my closest friends, only 1 has not had one yet, so it's been awhile comin'. Jon is such a blessing, and I'm excited to see what's in store for us :) A heart for the Lord, a sweet, sweet spirit, masculinity, compassion, and some good looks make me quite the lucky gal.

Well, must be going now... watching little Zoe-face! :)

GSP

So today I found out I got accepted into the Governor's Scholar Program. Apparently it's a big deal, and I can now go to any state school for free! Too bad I'm not going to a state school...

ANYWAYS. I have total mixed feelings about it. When I first applied (in December), I was SO ready to leave behind school, family, and friends (or lack thereof) and begin a new season of life. I was tired of routine and heartbreak, and it was just time for me to get away. THEN, in January/February I got nominated, and I also got friends. WAHOO! God was doing incredible things in my life, and I started thinking, "Hey, maybe I don't want to be gone for 5 weeks of the summer."
After that I realized I
1. Couldn't go to the Dominican
2. Couldn't go to elementary camp
3. Would be very stressed with my sister's wedding the week after GSP ended.. and I have parties to throw!

So I TOTALLY did not want to get accepted.
A couple weeks ago at Bible and Beach I felt the Holy Spirit call me in SO many different directions. One of which was to consider going to a public university for college (which I have NEVER thought of doing!). The other was to reach out to people that aren't of the faith and become friends with them, showing the love of Christ through my actions.

Um. HEY. GSP focuses on BOTH of those areas! WOW. So now, with my new friends and restored relationships with old ones, I felt torn between my desires. Of course I want to spend the whole summer with my friends, having conversations with my mentors, and growing in the deep, deep love of Christ. But, alas, God has placed on my heart a yearning to reach to the unsaved. Either way, whether I got accepted or not, I'd be fulfilled and happy.

So, today the news came. I will be spending 5 weeks on Bellarmine University's campus, with no physical contact with any family or friends. It will be tough, and I sure will GREATLY miss conversations that would have happened with friends and mentors, but God will certainly show up this summer, and it's just time for me to place it all in His hands.

"Cast all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7

Spring Break

I'm about to completely crash from exhaustion, but first I must write down a few thoughts from this week..
I don't care about dances, or movies, or grades at the moment. Right now I just want to make His love known to everyone I come in contact with. Ever.
I'm changing, completely. Motives, thoughts of college, and the way I talk to people are things consuming my head, and it will probably be hard for me to go to sleep with all these thoughts buzzing around.
Friends. They're everything.
I don't want this feeling to go away for anything. It needs to stay.
Satan is currently trying to deceive me into thinking this week was a waste or a "high".
Bible and beach is so much more fun when there is absolutely no boy to think about.
I hate sand.
I've been in the same clothes for almost 24 hours.
Right now I just want to be with my CGroup and talk life. I could do it for an entire day straight and not even get bored. I've learned stories that I haven't fathomed in the past 3 years.
I don't want to graduate and move away.
I need to pour into the lives of those younger than me. Specifically. One on one.
My God is good! So good!

Secrets of a Babysitter

Here are some secrets to being an awesome babysitter... for the parents AND the kids to like you =)

1. My mom always taught me, "Leave the house cleaner than when you got there." Sometimes I'm having so much fun, or time does not permit, but usually I do a load of dishes or clean up a few toys.

2. Climb trees.

3. Do backflips on the trampoline.

4. Walk/ride bike to buy them ice cream.

5. Know every single Disney Channel theme song.

6. Comment on how young the parents look (but don't lie).

7. Show up early. 5 minutes is perfect.

8. Make the parents laugh.

9. Cameras. Kids LOVE cameras.

10. Make sure the kids know that you're not old-fashioned or boring. Let them know you're cool and can relate to stuff they feel. For example, let them know you hate eating vegetables too, but eat them alongside them, and they'll think it's cool.

11. Make sure the kids know who's in charge. Although they don't like it momentarily, they will soon appreciate AND forget you helped lay down the law. Not too harshly, of course. Just keep them mindful =)

12. Drive.

13. Remember birthdays.

14. Quote their favorite movies.

15. Hold them and swing them around (upside down optional).

16. Pray before bed!

OK those were just some off the top of my head =)

Joy

God has given me an overwhelming amount of joy this past month or so. On days when I used to dread school, dread each minute, I now face with a humongous smile and tons of laughter. I don't know why. Not much has changed.. OK maybe that's not true. I have since reconnected with the woman from this post, and we now have a stable friendship. Not like it was before, but it's better and healthier for both of us. It's really made a difference. =)

Also, I have "obtained" a new mentor. She's a WONDERFUL woman of God, and the 20 minutes or so we get a week to talk are so full of stories of growing, learning, and challenging my faith. Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful.

So I guess those are kind of HUGE things that would strengthen my joy, but I don't think they are the sources whatsoever. HE has removed this weight from my heart that had been on there for so long, it was so strange when its presence no longer was there. No, it's not going to be gone forever, probably not even for a while, but there is a season for mourning and a season for laughter and dance like it says in Ecclesiastes. Through the joy I will worship, and through the pain I will worship. Joy brings thanks, and tears bring complete dependency.

If you haven't heard Desert Song by Hillsong, click here, and I hope you enjoy it as much as I do!

"I Know How You Feel"

My English teacher got me thinking about this the other day. She said that we are the worst at telling people "I know how you feel" whenever something goes awry in their life.

The truth is, we don't. People (more often girls) say this in situations when another person talks about losing a parent, a pet, or a job. When someone fails an important exam, has their heart broken, or gets stood up. Yes, they certainly may have gone through a similar situation-type, but no, they aren't and didn't feel the pain and respond the same way. Loss, rejection, and hurt hit people different ways, and no one can truly ever mean the phrase "I know how you feel".

People probably think they will appear thoughtful and meaningful by saying those words, but in reality, I think it's selfish. They try to turn the conversation from the hurt being displayed by the person to their own personal experience.

So, next time, why don't we say "I cannot imagine what you're feeling, but I'm here to help you in any way", mkay?

My thoughts of the day :)

Random

A fellow blogger (Molly) has written a few posts featuring random things about herself. No, I'm sure you guys don't care, but I think I could amuse myself by writing oddball stuff about me. So.. here goes try #1:

~ I secretly want a pair of every color Chuck Taylor's. My mother despises them, so I've momentarily ended my buying spree. So far? Light pink and Tennesse orange (fake, but $7).

~ I have an odd obsession with Qtips. I use an average of 5 a day to clean out my ears.

~ I am slightly germaphobic. Wash your hands after using the restroom (EVEN AT HOME). Don't sneeze on your hand (and then grab my stuff). Don't touch anything but soap and water directly after fiddling with your feet. After playing outside, use sanitizer or wash. It's just a little fetish.

~ I am very competitive. Very. Pride issue.

~ I don't like it when people use the wrong forms of "they're/their/there or your/you're". Learn.

~ I've always wanted to know someone elses life as intricately as I know my own. Maybe not feel all the hurt, but know everything and every thought that consumes them. I think it'd be cool to see if other people are as random or as deep as I am.

~ When I run (an average of 4 times a year), I only like to do it on a treadmill. Most people hate it because it's a constant motion with no new scenery. I either read, watch TV, or listen to music. Guess what I do the whole time? Look at the numbers on the treadmill a figure out my average speed, how long I have to run to reach this many miles, how many calories I'm burning a minute, etc. It keeps my mind occupied.

Well, right now I have to go to the bathroom, and I'm at school. Therefore I cannot leave the computer up, and this post must come to an end.

Song of Songs Chapter 8

The series at church we are currently studying is called "I Do" based on the Song of Solomon. I love the way our pastors are approaching it. Usually when we study things like this we always go back to the "God is our one, true love. We need to have this type of love with Him." Stuff like that. Oh, I absolutely believe it, but I know it. Sure, I don't know it all, but sometimes when you hear stuff over and over again, you just stop listening. Is that bad to say? It has its moments when it sticks, and those are wonderful.

Anyways. Today there was a different spin. Matt Reagan spoke of intimacy based on Song of Solomon chapter 8. We spoke of how intimacy is more than sexual relations, and how we are supposed to build it up. Here are some notes I jotted down (plus a few thoughts I didn't write down at the time).

-Love is an incredible thing, but more than portrayed.
Song of Solomon 8
vs. 1
The only person they could show affection towards in a public setting was a sibling.
vs. 2
vs. 3
Above all else in the world, we want intimacy.
******************vs.4******************
vs. 5
Their love story. All love starts with its own story. She figuratively saw her man coming along the horizon, and she wished to share the story of their love.
vs. 6
Death is a permanent thing (except for the whole Jesus rising from the grave thing:). HE is jealous for us.
vs. 7
Love is worth everything. For the one you love, selling your home would be nothing. It's more than all the riches or anything you could imagine.
vs. 8
This is like us saying today, "I have a friend who wants to know ________." "My friend wants advice to handle this (____________) situation." It's so they can know what to do and how to find the love their friend has experienced.
vs. 9
The integrity of a Godly, whole, and righteous woman needs to be built up and exalted! In the case of her being a door (which most women are), this means they have more than one love story. We are meant to have only 1 (physically).

We need to try to build intimacy.

*People who stay committed to one person are more sexually intimate than anyone else.

You can listen to the message on Collide TV here starting sometime later this month (hopefully!).

Boy

Boy meets girl. They fall for each other. Boy takes girl's heart and runs.

I've been head over heels for a boy for almost a year. I seem to get him out of my head, but as soon as I see his smile, or he playfully touches my chin, I melt into a pool of.. well, I don't know what I melt into, but I definitely melt.

Crazy, the effect the opposite sex has on us.

Words

Lately I've been surrounded by adults who just simply encourage. They tell me how proud they are of decisions I've made. Told me I'm beautiful. Tell me they want their kids to turn out like me. Tell me I'm funny. Don't get me wrong, I love that :] SO SO much.

Today I was sitting in church, completely surrounded by parents who I babysit for, all encouraging me, patting me on the back, etc. As I was soking in how great it felt to be loved this much on Valentine's Day as a 16 year old without a boyfriend, I realized something. This is why I hang out and gravitate towards adults. People my age don't say encouraging words half as often, and even more often they have things to say or actions they take that tear down.
So, why don't kids, teenagers, encourage? I assume it's because for the most part we're creatures of selfishness. I don't know... But maybe if people my age began saying nice and kind things, all of our lives would be better. I know mine would be.

That's my challenge for myself: Encourage, encourage, encourage.